Motivated.

Performing "Hot Gurls" with Josiah at the Opera House, Fall 2009

“Jesse, where am I going???”

The tone of her voice was apprehensive, yet undeniably confident. It was perfect. No wonder I loved her.

“Make a left at these lights, right here,” I said nonchalantly, as if I didn’t have a worry in the world.

“Oh my God Jesse! You tell me these directions so late! Argh!” she said, only more annoyed this time. She made a sharp left turn on Dupont just as the lights turned green for traffic on that same street. With no one else but me in the backseat, I sprawled my legs and got comfortable.

“See? That’s why I love this girl.” I explained to Michelle, sitting in the passenger seat.

“You’re crazy over Amanda, Jesse. Don’t you realize she has a man?” Michelle replied in a quick rebuttal. I knew how Michelle felt about me, so I wasn’t surprised by the reply. Besides that, I didn’t care. Me and Michelle were definitely a thing of the past. All I wanted now was to focus all of my attention on the one girl I truly loved. The one girl I think I had loved my whole life but I had never realized it. Not until the day she had showed up to my house in tears. The flashback was as clear and vivid as if the events had happened yesterday. I had brought her some tissue to wipe off the bleeding mascara from her eyeliner. She was distraught, grievingly upset over what I was convinced to be, a false accusation by her man. Emotions had got the best of her, and as such, I wanted the same result. My heart burned. I was angry. Angry that someone had made this girl, my best friend, so upset.

“It’s cool. Don’t even sweat it. Just do you. Real recognize real so everything that you believe to be a lie? It’ll all get exposed in due time. Trust.”

Those were my words. What I had really wanted to do was to make a detour on our way to Ryerson and lay that nigga the fuck out. I didn’t care how G he claimed to be. But Amanda would never take me there. I knew it. So we just ended up going straight downtown. The day had turned out to be pretty live too. That’s when I had realized there was much more to it than a friendship. At least from my perspective. My flashback had me oblivious to the fact that we were pulling out of the McDonald’s drivethru already.

“Hello? Did you hear me?” Michelle peaked as she greedily dove into her Mickey Dees bag.

“Yeah. So what?” my response more attentive than before, “I feel how I feel. Besides, at the end of the day, she knows what it is” as I turned to Amanda with a slickest smirk I could possibly have.

“Oh.. my God, Jesse…” she replied, her eyes rolling. “You need to focus on your show tonight, okay?”

“I’m so focused,” I replied instantly, still staring at her through the rear view mirror, “focused and motivated.”

“Whatever Jesse,” her voice indicating a hint of laughter. I had made her smile. Mission accomplished. Well, at least for tonight. She pulled into the same parking lot we had left before I exited out her side door.

“So are you coming tonight or what?” I eagerly asked, hoping for a response with the word “Yes” in it.

“Well I’ll see. What time are you going on again?”

“Nine thirty. You remember my directions, right?” I wanted to make sure there was no room for error in the event that she did device to attend.

“Umm.. not really, but I’ll call you by nine if anything. You can be my GPS from there.”

“Cool,” I said as I gave her daps through the driver side window. I walked down the alley way and downstairs into the studio at LOFT. Remy, Javid and Lah Chemist had all left. So had my laptop. Althought my first reaction wa sone of panic, I knew, for whatever reason, everything was alright. I had seen Amanda for the first time in over a year. I was about to perform at the Opera House for the first time. And I had on the freshest Nike shirt 40 dollars could buy. I was definitely motivated.

An excerpt from ASS: A Smart Story, Ch. 24: Fate

Smartie.

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